today, i am filled with gratitude.
that i live in a place where i can still leave my house. that i am healthy. that i can work. that the sun is shining. that i have wonderful & generous friends & family. that i have excellent reading material. that i will be working with some wonderful people (Lord-willing) in the fall. that i am not afraid to plan. that i am learning to let plans go.
today was the first sabbath day i’ve taken this semester. i have so much to do. it’s overwhelming. but i said “no, today you rest.” & i did in the sun with my books & my homemade latte on a blanket i borrowed from my new, short-term roommate @canabuckley & just—was. & it was good. i forgot how important it is to intentionally rest, to not feel guilty about or like i’m wasting time by simply being. Lord have mercy. praise be to God.
gratitude is such an important practice, especially during this time. joy is often something that we are given when we pause & look for it. take a moment & pause—tell me (or at least yourself! but please do comment) what you’re grateful for right now. & actually sit with it—not just “oh thank goodness i have food right now” but “i have food. i am okay.” let that soak into your bones. may it bring you peace.
#gratitude #mindfulness
it feels good to be here.
i spent so many months missing this—missing the panic of last minute papers, the piles of reading, the tree, the people. goodness, i missed the people.
& i’m finally home.
my camera didn’t focus. no matter. i’m not focused, myself.
i’ve got a tradition, of sorts. i write something on Valentine’s day—for myself. & for you, i suppose. this year, i’m not sure what to say.
love is hard, i guess. today is (or was, now) a day that glorifies romantic love, but that’s so, well, unfair. i celebrated with my friends and sisters, spending time together, watching movies &making pizza & laughing so, so hard. & that’s easy. but having been gone for so long—it’s deceptively easy. late night aren’t always laughter; sometimes they’re tears & hard truths. there’s a kind of vulnerability venerated in romantic love but forgotten in platonic—although it’s just as present & just as important.
i guess valentine’s 2020 is about presence, then. i spent so much time absent—not just physically away from home, but emotionally distant to where i was &, sometimes, who i was with—including myself. this isn’t a focused image of where i am now, but it’s the best i have to offer: vulnerability and presence are important in all forms of love. they’re what pull you further in. they’re what you miss when you’re gone. they’re what give life.
whether you’re loving yourself or someone else, i hope you can focus in on that. happy st. valentine’s day.
#valentines #authentic #postcard
this notes page is kind of how my brain is looking right now—a rickety house, “poetics from a writer’s perspective,” and a lot of blank space. i want to make something of this, but i’m not sure what.
it’s the form, perhaps, that draws my attention... it’s looming in my mind these days. what all the little pieces are, how they all work together, what they create. there are big things growing, looming.
how can i make them big? how can i maintain space? how can i show that they matter?
it’s the tension of all the parts that make it beautiful, perhaps.
i’ll let you know. i’m still wallowing in the difficulty of it all. and embracing how happy these little things make me.
#poetrycommunity #ramblings
